Have you ever regretted something so viscerally it physically hurts? Multiply that by ten. I cheated on my wife. With a young lady who is barely older than my eldest daughter. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I love my wife. I love my children. I love my family. The life we’ve created together.
I wasn’t drunk… I wasn’t angry. I really have no idea what happened. Maybe I was lonely? I remember inviting her out. Talking with her about my life – my job, the people I work with, her family. She ranted for ages about her parents. How they kicked her out, told her to fend for herself. She was so angry. I could understand, sort of. I could never kick my girls out. Then again, I think if I’d ever caught either of them at this bar with a guy this much older, I’d probably kill them instead. I didn’t mention my family. I don’t know why.
I remember asking to go back to her place. Her place! I knew, in my head, that my children were home so we couldn’t back to my house – so we went to hers. I got in bed with her, even after she told me it was her brothers’. And then he came home from work. She was so calm. Finished up, got dressed, and waited. I went out in hopes of sneaking away and ran into her brother. Her brother, by the way, being the young man who babysat Morgan when she was a baby. He asked me to leave, and I did. I didn’t say a word to the young lady. Arizona. I almost wish I didn’t know her name. It just seems more real this way.
I wasn’t going to tell Moira. I was just going to live with the guilt on my own. Obviously I was never going to do it again. It was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.
But then I went to the old burger shack in town. And she was there. Thankfully she didn’t say anything to me – I’m not even sure she noticed me. I just about turned around and walked right back out. But then I noticed she was wearing baggier clothes than usual. Like she’d gained weight. I’m not one to judge, but you’d have to eat a lot of burgers to gain that much weight. Especially at her size.
She’s pregnant. She must be… And now I have to tell Moira that I’ve ruined our family. She’s going to be destroyed….
How did I let this happen?